When Indie died
When Indie died July 2 2005

Indie's left eye suddenly became swollen in April. Her whole eye was enlarged and there was a clear discharge, although she did not seem to be in pain: you could touch her face and head and she groomed herself normally with no change in eating or drinking habits. At first we thought maybe it was from a bug bite, or even from running under the wooden fences in the neighborhood. But it did not get better in a week so I took her in to the vet.

Dr. Taylor had given her her shots two years ago and immediately tested the pressure in her eye. The pressure was definitely elevated and the vet prescribed an antibiotic to rub in her ears and an ointment to keep her eye moist. He said it was glaucoma and that we should try treating it for a few weeks before taking her to an eye surgeon in Dallas.

So every morning we put ointment in her eye and rubbed her ears full of antibiotic. For three weeks we tried this and nothing changed. Indies eye got bigger and bigger although even now she was calm and did not seem unhappy.

I could not believe that all the drugs had no effect at all. I looked everywhere for data on glaucoma in cats and found it is extremely rare. I emailed my librarian friends and asked them if they knew of a good cat vet nearby, since it seemed like a second opinion would help. Kathy Moses recommended Dr. Dana Pace at the Collin County Cat Hospital and I took Indie in right away.

Dr. Pace checked everything, since she knew I was not convinced there was glaucoma. She found Indie had a very infected and inflamed tooth, slight kidney malfunction which is common in old cats and that the swelling in her eye was very strange- not typical of eye injury. She suggested we have the sore tooth removed, which would reduce some swelling but she could not say that would definitely solve the eye swelling. She referred me to a really good cat dentist, Dr. Wiggs, who has literally written the textbook used by veterinarians training in feline dentistry.

So off we went deep into downtown Dallas, under the 635 interchange, to Dr. Wiggs. After an exam, on June 13 he pulled two teeth, put in a filling and cleaned her whole mouth. He is a very quiet, very gentle guy who sits down on the floor of the consulting rooms with the cats as he talks to the owners. He took lots of X-rays and pages of notes because he knew we were trying to find out what the eye problem was- and then sent me home so he could work on her.

Four hours later, in 100 degree heat, I went back. Indie was awake but very tired, sore and still sleepy. Dr. Wiggs sent painkiller and antibiotics home with us- and said he had taken a sample from a large tumor below her eye which was attached deep in her head. He was very kind and gentle but said we should have a biopsy done on the tumor to find out what it was. I was so relieved that Indie seemed okay that I just paid my bill and asked him to call when the results of the biopsy came back.

For the next week, Indie seemed much better although her eye swelling did not go down very much. Her appetite improved drastically and I was so happy we had fixed her teeth. She really enjoyed her breakfast and would wait happily by the plate each morning. I bought some new flavors of food in pouches, very smelly lobster and mackerel and tuna combinations which she devoured. She literally licked every morsel out of her bowl and then sighed and drank lots of water and went upstairs to sleep on a pile of David's old T-shirts. She seemed her old self, but was drinking a lot of water and sleeping many hours every day. This seemed fairly normal for a 15 year old cat in the heat of a Dallas summer and she was not distressed in any way we could tell.

Since 1996, every night when I went upstairs to study my school books on the bed, Indie would scramble up on the bed with me, butting her head against my chin and rubbing her chin against my face. She had a soft purr and she loved to curl up in the middle of my books, tuck her paws under her body and nap with me. Every night, as I went up the stairs, she went up the stairs.

And every morning, without fail, Indie would quietly hop up on my side of the bed, in the early morning darkness and nestle next to me, waiting for us to get up. She knew David did not like her trodding all over our heads while he was sleeping, so she always crept carefully up to my side and slept a little while we were getting up.

A week after the dental surgery, Dr. Wiggs called. The biopsy had come back. It was squamous cell carcinoma. The tumor was the size of my little finger and would probably grow very quickly. The swelling was from the bones in Indie's head actually being pushed by the growth of this tumor. He said we could have radical surgery done, which would involve removing her eye and part of her face, but that even this would only buy another 6 months. He said, very softly, that if it was his cat, he would not have this done.

So that was that. At first I didn't really see what this meant.

So back to Dr. Pace. She had the X-rays and reports from Dr. Wiggs and we talked on the phone, very calmly, and scheduled some time to bring Indie in and decide what would help her the most.

Dr. Pace gave me vitamins and steroids and showed me how to inject fluids in her intravenously and told me to keep her eating at all costs- that her new interest in food was the thing keeping her alive and that anything we could do to help her eat would be good. And now I began to cry and cry, because I knew what was happening.

So I went to Petsmart and bought her every flavor of food I could find. David would help me give her the vitamins and I made sure there was always a fresh bowl of something good to eat. For three weeks, Indie seemed herself. She popped up on the bed every morning, came down for breakfast, walked over my keyboard as I worked during the day and slept peacefully on her T-shirts most of the day. She enjoyed her food so much and ate every flavor I gave her.

But on Thursday, the last day of June, she slept all day and did not get up for food after breakfast. It was a very hot day and I hoped she was just tired. On Friday, she had trouble getting down from her sleeping place. She came in to my office and drank and drank from her little black bowl. I kept refilling it. She had trouble navigating her way back up into her chair, putting her paw out in the air as if she could not see where to jump up. She did not eat on Friday and late that night, after David was asleep, she curled up in the hallway outside our bedroom and I lay down with her. She stood up, very shaky, and did her old chin-rubbing walk, purring and butting my head and rubbing her soft face against mine- and then she curled up very tightly into a ball and turned away from me.

I knew she was ready.

The next morning I called Dr Pace and arranged to have her put to sleep that day. We could not go in until 10am and Indie had not moved from her place in the hall. She had not come to bed with me, or woken us up that morning. She had never failed before.

David and I were sitting out on the porch, silent, waiting until 10 am.

Suddenly, there she was, thin and wobbly and only seeing out of one eye, but walking out to join us, sniffing the rose bush, sniffing the bougainvillea and walking around the garden, very slowly, before curling up again in the porch swing with me.

At 10am we quietly put her in the carrier for the last time and drove to Dr. Pace's. We sat down in the surgical room, and the vet gave her a sedative and then injected her with the shot. I held her and petted her head and kissed her until she died.

The vet petted her, too, and said what a beautiful coat she had for so old a cat and what a sweet cat she was.

David cried and I cried and we got in the car and went home.